longest post ever...

Friends and family,

I’ve written many posts lately updating you on all of the adventures, new experiences, and even mundane activities of my day-to day life, but it’s been awhile since I’ve shared much on the condition of my heart and how I see the Lord moving in my life. I wanted to take some time tonight to reflect on these matters, and invite you into my thoughts.

At the start of this summer, I was living in this ‘everything is awesome’ kind of a life high. Though speckled with moments of fear, doubt, and insecurity, I was feeling on top of the world. My relationship with God was alive and vibrant and every day was a new adventure.

This week, for no particular reason, I finally came down off of that ‘high’. At work I felt bored, unchallenged, and unimportant. I felt disappointed and neglected in my relationships. I felt discouraged as I started thinking and planning for the nearing end of my summer and start of the rest of my life. I felt restless and discontented in my dreams for more... for better relationships, for my constant desire of new adventures, and yet accepting the need for stability in my next move.

I like to think of myself as being fairly introspective, so it didn’t take very long for me to realize something was off with my thoughts and my heart this week. I soon realized that my heart was so focused on what’s down the road for me, and on the discrepancies between what I wanted to be happening, and what was actually occurring, that I had lost sight of the blessing of this season of my life and the confidence of what I’m here for.

Since this realization, while the discouragement has persisted, I’ve also been encouraged in several ways. On Wednesday I was having a particularly hard day. Again, I’m not really sure why. I think my discouragement showed due to my boredom at work, but I think it was rooted much deeper than that. On my lunch break I decided to log onto facebook to go send a message to a high school friend who I hadn’t talked to all summer. When I clicked on the box to write my message, it brought up all of our past messages we have exchanged. Apparently we don’t talk much on facebook because one of the most recent messages I had from her came up on my screen and it was from January 2009. That was during a particularly hard time in my life when I was sorting out a lot of questions, and I’m sure this was a message she had sent to encourage me. It was St. Theresa’s prayer, and it says this::

“May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities born of faith. May you use the gifts you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to dance, sing, praise, and love. It is there for each and every one of us.”

I had to smile when I stumbled back across that prayer on Wednesday and thank God for using my friend’s encouragement from two and a half years ago to speak truth into my life again.

Last night I was encouraged again, this time through Pastor Rick. For the month of July, Crave is holding our Thursday evening services outside under the stars. I was delighted when I showed up to learn that Pastor Rick would be speaking to us. He shared with us his vision for the new generation of Saddleback. I won’t go into detail on all that was included in this vision, but I just want to say that he has got to be one of the most inspirational people to listen to and to be around. After he finished speaking and we transitioned into singing, he came down off the stage and walked around the 500+ college students that stood on the lawn and probably got around to hugging about half of us. I so admire that. I admire his love for the church, for each individual in the Body of Christ.

From the words he spoke to us that night, what I took away was his final request in his closing prayer… “Lord, fill them with your vision for their future.” Wow. Wouldn’t that be nice? In the midst of me trying to sort out all of my dreams for myself.. all of the experiences I long to have, all of the character traits I think I need to develop, all of the jobs I could do, and ideas of the person I should be… What a revelation to actually ask the Creator of my soul and of this world to fill me with his vision for me, to place me where He wants to use me.

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I realize and I apologize that this is an especially long post (even for me!), but I want to share one more piece of encouragement I stumbled upon tonight. For my birthday this past year, my wonderful roommate Erica gave me one of her favorite books. It’s one I have now read through several times, written by a young lady who quickly won her place in my heart as one of my favorite authors. I turned to one of my favorite chapters again tonight, in hopes of finding encouragement. The chapter is written on what it’s like to be 25. I realize that’s still two and a half years off for me, but I find much of it is already relevant. So here’s a little something, a word to the wise by Shauna Niequist, written especially for my 20-something friends…

“Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal. Ask yourself some good questions like, Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? What have I learned about God this year? What parts of my childhood faith am I leaving behind, and what parts am I choosing to keep with me for this leg of the journey? Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?

These years will pass much more quickly than you think they will. You will go to lots of weddings, and my advice, of course, is to dance your pants off at every single one. I hope you go to very few funerals. You’ll watch TV and run on the treadmill and go on dates, some of them great and some of them terrible. Time will pass, and all of a sudden, things will begin to feel a little more serious. You won’t be old, of course. But you will want to have some things figured out, and the most important things only get figured out if you dive into them now.

For a while in my early twenties I felt like I woke up a different person every day, and was constantly confused about which one, if any, was the real me. I feel more and more like myself with each passing year, for better and for worse, and you’ll find that, too. Every year, you will trade a little of your perfect skin and your ability to look great without exercising for wisdom and peace and groundedness, and every year the trade will be worth it. I promise.

Now is your time. Become, believe, try. Walk closely with people you love, and with other people who believe that God is very good and life is a grand adventure. Don’t spend time with people who make you feel like less than you are. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life’s path.”



Thanks for those of you who stuck with me and actually read all of this!! You’re my favorite. Extra blessings to you haha

Hope you’re all doing well! Love you.