inspire confidence

If you remember from earlier this summer, I told you about how for one of our intern meetings we had a pastor on staff speak to us about our “SHAPE” (Spiritual gifts, Heart, Abilities, Personality, and Experiences). The idea behind this is that by better understanding your SHAPE, you’ll be more equipped to embrace your unique purpose and ministry in your life. By talking through four different aspects: 1. What you love to do 2. Who you love impacting 3. What needs you love meeting 4. And in what setting you love meeting those needs, the SHAPE instructor could then narrow it down to two words that spoke the theme of our SHAPE. After our intern meeting, we were all invited to send him an email requesting our own individual SHAPE sessions. Naturally, I was all for taking anyone’s offer of helping me find some clarity and direction in my life, so I jumped on the opportunity.

Prior to going into my meeting, I had promised you devout blog followers that I would share with you my “two words” after I learned them. It’s actually been about three weeks since I had my SHAPE session, but the reason I’m just now sharing with you about it is because I needed some time to process it on my own so that I could evaluate it’s validity and think through it’s applications. And I’ll be honest, for awhile I really fought against my “two words” and struggled to see how they could possibly fit me. If you haven’t guessed already (based on the title of this post) my two words were “inspire confidence.” But let’s back up first, and I’ll get to that in a little bit.

The first question we talked through was “What do I love to do?” Easy enough question, right? Immediately my mind went to things that would be ‘highlight of the month’ material.. things like traveling or going to a concert (Did I mention how jealous I am that I’m not going to the NKOTBSB concert with Laura and Jana tomorrow?). But the pastor challenged me, explaining that something I “love” should be something I can do every day for the rest of my life and not tire of it. Alright, a little trickier. “Well, I love when I can have a good conversation with someone. I love being active.. whether it’s playing a sport, or trying out a dance class, or just going for a walk outside. I love reading. I love writing. I love trying to be creative.”

Next question, “Who do you love impacting?” Initial thought—I’m not too convinced I impact anyone.. and if I do, I don’t go out of my way to do it. My answer to this question used to be children. I used to really feel like I had a heart for kids, but I’m not so sure anymore. So I answered this the same way some of you might, “Well, I guess I like to think I make an impact on my friends.. on the people I’m closest to and spend the most time with.” In response to this, I was prompted to evaluate the kind of people I have for friends.. and what it is about them that I’m drawn to.

Third question, “What needs do you love meeting?” This was another tricky one. Do I actually meet anyone’s needs? I guess, if anything, I like to meet relational needs. I enjoy listening to people. I find it comes naturally for me to empathize. I get excited when I can have a good conversation with someone where we’re both vulnerable and real with each other and talk about our weaknesses and discuss the challenges and gray areas of life, and dream together about the future. I love those conversations. I love having someone’s trust enough for them to come to me for that.

Final question, “In what setting do you like to meet those needs?” This one was easy. There’s nothing better for me than one-on-one, or occasionally a small group. I don’t do large groups and I hate being the center of attention haha.

We also talked through some things regarding my personality and the driving forces in my life. If you know me well then you probably won’t be surprised that the two major themes that arose were 1. That I hate confrontation with everything that I am. 2. I have this really annoying desire to try to please everyone that drives everything I do.

Alright, so that leads us to “Inspire Confidence.” If you’re like me, you’re thinking “Yeah, where’d that come from?” The reason I struggled against those words so much is because confidence is something I’ve never felt like I’ve had even in myself, so how could I possibly help others with that? But as the pastor pointed out, he thought the opposite was true… He thought because confidence was what I desired more than anything, that it was something I placed a high value on and wanted to help others with as well. He said that he could have chosen the words “inspire growth” instead, but from all that I told him he felt like the underlying objective of growth for me was confidence.

For the past three weeks, I’ve kept those words in my mind and tried to open myself to them and see if there is any truth that perhaps my ministry is rooted in inspiring confidence in others. I thought back to the relational needs that I said I love meeting and wondered what it is I hope to offer someone through those conversations. I realized the most encouraging thing for me is when I can validate someone’s feelings or walk beside them through their doubts and questions, just meeting people where they are, and often where I am too, and working through those questions together and dreaming together. Some of the best compliments I’ve ever received have been in response to posts I’ve shared, whether on one of my blogs or personal facebook messages. These compliments have less to do with my less than brilliant thoughts or writing ability and more to do with the connection the reader is able to make with my words and how that in turn can validate what they’re going through and hopefully inspire and encourage them as well.

There’s a lot of problems in our world. There are starving children. There are people with curable diseases that simply can’t afford or don’t have access to the right treatments. There’s war. There’s injustice. There’s broken families. There’s broken hearts. But of all that’s gone wrong in our fallen world, one tragedy has recently been especially dear to my heart. This is something I’ve shared with very few people in my life, but that tragedy is the sex slavery that still persists around our world today. I’ve learned more about it in the last four years while being at Huntington from different chapel speakers we’ve had come in that sparked my interest in the cause. Sex slavery can look a couple different ways. Some women are truly slaves to others, they can’t get out of it. Others may be in it by choice, maybe for fear that they can’t make a living any other way, but even then they are slaves to the lies the Devil and the world has told them.

I’ve been reading a book recently called Redeeming Love. It is a fictional story but it is based on the Biblical story of Hosea and Gomer. For those who may not be familiar, Gomer was a prostitute and God told Hosea to marry her. Gomer kept being unfaithful and running away from Hosea, but he patiently kept pursuing her and faithfully extending his love to her. God used their relationship as a metaphor for his relationship with the people of Israel and his undying love for them, even when they weren’t faithful to Him. The book I’m reading has really made this story come alive for me, and has given me a fresh look on what God’s love for me is like even when I run from him and fail to see the value He sees in me.

Nothing breaks my heart more than someone who can’t see their own value through the eyes of a God who loves them dearly. It makes me sick to think of women.. even young girls.. who have never known anything different. They’ve been brought up to believe their only value is in their body and how it can be misused. For the past couple years I’ve had the privilege of supporting a ministry that is taking young women in Ethiopia out of that lifestyle, and training them with skills such as sewing, so that they can provide for themselves and relearn their worth. I’m drawn to that kind of healing. I’m drawn to inspiring that confidence. How effective am I? Not as effective as I desire to be, but I guess when I think about it in these ways that really is where my heart is at.

Where’s your heart? What’s your SHAPE? How might God want to use your spiritual gifts, heart, abilities, personality and experiences for furthering His Kingdom?